QUESTION: My 12-year-old daughter is something of a “drama queen”. This behavior is new for her. Can you give me some insight?

ANSWER: Without knowing your daughter, I have to speak in generalities…Certainly adolescence is a time of “drama” for many girls. With the awakening of sexuality, concerns over body image, the development of more abstract thinking, the social worries, and identity issues; life for your daughter is “dramatic”. However, all behaviors also have a function; “drama” satisfies something desired and probably lacking in your daughter’s emotional, social and spiritual needs.

I believe we are creatures of passion; it is passion (drama) that makes life exciting, interesting and motivating. We long to be fully alive. Passion, however, is also dangerous—socially, physically, and emotionally. Most of us find “safe” ways of experiencing passion (Often, for girls: movies, music, romance novels, horses, fantasy, sports etc). I would imagine that your daughter has had a “taste” of passion and was exhilarated. Wouldn’t it be great to live passionately all the time? Wouldn’t one feel wonderfully alive? Wouldn’t life be so much more exciting and worth living?

The function of drama (rolling around in powerful emotions) is to fulfill your daughter’s longing to be valued, loved, important, exciting, different, desirable, enviable, intimate…. That longing is good. God made us to desire such “drama”. Our God is a god of passionate relationships, deep emotions, strong convictions, sacrificial love, flamboyant creativity, infinite power, omniscient awareness, and incomprehensible forgiveness-–a God of Holy Drama in both character and action.

Your job is to do far more than just have “insight” into your daughter’s behaviors. As a Christian parent, you must recognize that her “drama” is an indicator of deep desires that can only be FULLY met in a relationship with Christ. Don’t let her settle for “counterfeit” drama. Picture the “drama” of having a real, dynamic and personal relationship with the eternal Creator of the universe who deeply and passionately loves, forgives, entices, challenges, titillates, gives and overwhelms us with his presence in our lives.

Your daughter must observe and experience you as a woman who lives day by day caught up in the Holy Drama of her faith-walk. I pray you will entice your daughter with the possibilities!