QUESTION: I’m 13 and have a boyfriend. We call each other all the time and sometimes we hold hands. Some of my girlfriends ask me if we make out. How old do you think a girl should be to make out?

ANSWER: I think you are asking the wrong question. Making out is not a matter of how old someone is. It is a matter of whether or not your motive is godly (Motive is the reason a person does something. This is a great opportunity to have LOTS of heart-to-heart talks with your parents.

“Making out” usually means heavy and repeated kissing that goes on for a while. “Necking” of often a part of making out too. Necking is repeated kissing in the neck area. The Bible never uses the words “necking” or “making out.” It does, however, talk a lot about how we are to treat each other. Look up Mt. 19:19, Jn. 15:17, Rm. 13:10 and 1 Cor. 13 with your parents. We are always to treat each other unselfishly out of love for them. We are never to use another person to satisfy our own wants or curiosity.

Some thoughts to talk about with mom and dad…

1. Making out means different things to different people. God made us to be attracted to members of the opposite sex. Often, when girls get to be your age, they begin to think a lot about boys…how boys look, how they talk, what it would be like to hold hands, what it would be like to kiss a boy, and lot of other thoughts about relationships with boys. Girls and boys get curious about activities like making out. They often want to experiment, and try it out for themselves. This is a time in your life when you have to be careful. Kissing and touching mean different things to different people. You might want to kiss a boy because you really like him. You might want to kiss him because you just want to see what it feels like. He might want to kiss you because it feels good to him. He might not care much about you. Making out often leaves the couple confused about each other and what the other is really feeling.

2. Physical activity like making out and necking starts a person on a dangerous path. Making out often creates more frustration than loving appreciation for each other. Once a couple begins making out, it is very difficult for them not to try a little bit more and go a little bit farther the next time they make out. What is called “making out” out of marriage is often called “foreplay” with marriage. This is a topic for you and your parents to discuss.

3. There are many other activities besides making out to let a person know that you care. Talking, laughing, playing games together, working together, sending cards and gifts are much better ways of letting each other know exactly how you feel about your relationship.

4. Talk to your parents and pray about creating a written set of biblical standards (What you will and will not do.) that you will have regarding dating. Be able to talk about your convictions (what you believe) boldly and clearly.

5. Make certain the boys you go out with know what you believe and expect from them. Date only committed Christian boys who have the same standards that you do. Personally, I don’t believe a person should date until they are 16. Talk about this with your parents.

6. Find friends who have the same dating standards as you, so that you can keep each other from compromising your faith values.

Once a couple starts making out, the possibilities of emotional damage greatly increase in the likely event that they will break up (You probably won’t marry this guy.). Making out creates a bond between the couple that 13-year-olds are not ready for. It can also encourage young people to have an attitude that says: “If I like it, and it feels good, then I should be free to do it.” This kind of physical involvement clouds your decision-making skills because your emotions take control. Please, please, talk and pray about this issue with your parents!